Sunday, September 30, 2012

XII The Hanged Man 08/26/2012






This feels like beauty.
Flowers and the sweet smell of good earth
Ants and grasses and green and damp
As I hang here from this branch.
I see the bright blue sky above my feet and
The branches of these trees, they are perfect.
The grasses and insects and sweet, damp earth
Thrill the blood in my veins; I am connected.

I was meant to hang here from this bow,
Now at the end of my days
To be tied to the one thing
I’ve never known, to the Unknown.
I’m hanging from an idea I had of unreality
That I realize now is as real as anything in my long life. 
Which tells me that mystery is an illusion.
Everything that was down has always been up.
Evil has always been good, as a way
To purge darkness from the collective experience,
And good is the satisfied feeling we get 
from being in alignment with life.
My past actions were desperate attempts to achieve
That which vibration could have brought forth with no effort.

I sacrificed myself for this wisdom
And my striving brought me to this wondrous end.
For now, the sweet smell of good earth is enough.
My hair is touching the grasses,
I am an extension of the grasses.

I am a dragonfly.




Sunday, August 12, 2012

The Blue Beacon 06/24/2012




I did it again.  Off I flew, jumping with excitement.
My heart was lingering between your eyes, but I flew.


My legs move me, the heart in my chest is pounding.
I chant to myself - why did I not talk?
Why can't I speak? Why do I run off like that?
I walk a distance, feeling a tugging in me.
I turn around and look, and I see your silly blue cap
Shining like a beacon, down the way.
It’s yelling to me with light,
"I'm here!  I'm here!"
Part of me wants to run back, swoop down the hill
And stand before your blue hat, breathless and exhilarated.

But then I sigh, and say,
But what do I have to say to him?
Nothing of importance.
There are things I could say,
But I've already walked away
And I left it on good terms.
Best to make a clean exit.
So I keep walking. 

My mind flashes, remembering
I accidentally poked you when you walked by.  
Smiling.  Turn to look again but I can’t see.
Now I'm walking across the flow of traffic, 
Looking for a clear line of sight
And yes, I see it - there's that blue light.  
Now I'm laughing.




It's just, you know,
I don't really want to talk.
I think I would be happy
Just to sit by you, close my eyes
And feel your vibration.  When you’re near,
The world looks beautiful, bright and clear
And I feel love allowing life to flow with ease.
Making conversation would only distract me
From the energetic current
That draws me to you.

Those were my thoughts
But time had already intruded,
And I ran off.  So I turned and left, and then
I drove through the sunset,
And now I'm nowhere near you.
But in my mind, I can see the glow
Around your bright eyes, and I know
There's some of me in it. 



The day I met you,
When I flew away from you that first time,
I fancied that some of you came with me.
The energy of an ethereal smile and sparkling eyes,
To whom I said, make yourselves at home, sweet particles.
While your charge lasts, you are welcome here.





Saturday, February 11, 2012

NATARASHOOM 8/13/2008



My love is pounding in my breast
Pounding for you – pounding me
From inside to out
My love is indefinable
It puzzles me
Seems to spring from nowhere
And is all-encompassing
Like it existed forever
Before human experience
Before physical practice.

My love for you is relentless
Never wavers – has always been
In present experience, it grew
From the smallest seed
To the giant tree
That spread its arms
Across the planet.

My love is full of passion
My mind cannot forget you
My body feels your absence
My arms are empty still
My eyes long to view you
My skin yearns to sense you
My heart is pounding now
Pounding from inside out
Filling space – eternity
With love that’s wrought by you.

Bright light traveling
To far reaches of space
Searching your presence
And finding that you’re me.
My light is shining arc
Glistening with colors
Joining you to me -

But there is no face there
There are no hands to touch me
My human bond is gone
And life is energy again
Your eyes never looked on me
Your hair never fell on me
My skin never savored your touch
My life was spent apart from you.

The human life is odd
The yearning never ends
The lonesome pounding is all
The hands, arms, legs
They’re like someone else’s project.
But my heart is mine
My heart knows it’s not human
My heart knows it’s more
My mind cannot fathom
What my heart knows for sure.

And out in space, you’re present
And I participate
Like you, I am engaged
How strange life seems to me!
Like a huge, mad game
We’re in outer space
And I’m merely hoping
To some day know I’m there.

What does this pounding mean?
Tell me what you know.
Why does this longing settle here?
Why is it all I crave?
Words are not enough
They only reach the border
They do not enter space
Where in my dreams I’ve felt you
And after death I fell
My love is pounding still.




June 11, 2010



I ran berserk through spring fields.
Surrounded by flowers and soft breezes
Inside me, my heart was black.
I crashed through young trees and bushes
Laid down amongst the grasses there
And cried to the clouds moving over,
Father! Oh, Father! My Father!
I felt natural silence there
And I breathed.
Krsna swayed his branches
As small trees, above me.
He landed on my skin
As a mosquito, and pricked me.
The soft breeze came down
And whispered to me:
There’s nothing wrong.
Look at these trees and grasses
Everything is neutral here
There’s no good or bad here.
And I saw that the blackness was
Just my perspective.
There’s no good or bad anywhere.
I pondered that thought
And melted into the windy glen.
I dried my eyes
Put my feet underneath me
Stood, and breathed the sunlit air
And I ran on, the earth
Yielding supplely to my feet.



Purple Nighttime 8/1/2011







I must have unfocused my eyes.
Because when I pressed your arm
With my fingers, and pulled a bit,
I was pulled much farther.

My fingers on your arm became eyes
And I could see the place I was pressing.
Sweet, golden flesh and dark, curly hair
And I fell into a calm, purple nighttime
With soft light and honey scent.
It felt smooth, fragrant, and wonderfully alive.

It lasted only a moment
Then my eyes refocused in the sunshine
I nodded and turned away from you
But the scene I saw still haunts me
Though time has passed since I saw you.

This is why my body desires you.
Some would say my desire is wrong
Because you belong to someone else.
But nothing in life feels better
To me than organic inspiration.

Love isn’t bound by society’s rules.
Love is blind about all things
Except Love.





An Ode to Us 5/30/2010




Here we are,
Looking up at the clear blue sky
Trying to remember
A delicious, rainbowed cloud
That we dreamed about.

Now the sun is shining, but
Then, we were in darkness, and
There was moisture in the air
A charge of electricity
Passionate lightning, shuddering thunder.
And we were carried away by the spectacle of it.

Now, in this bright sunlight,
It feels like it may have been a dream.
Like it was imagination;

Or it’s a distant memory
Long past, from a previous lifetime.
Even then, it was only true at night.

Here, there is nothing quite
As sublime as that.  Look around!
Sun is shining, birds are singing,
It’s good.  It’s not missing anything.

But we are.  We’re missing something.
The thing we long for is indefinable.
It can’t be manufactured,
For it wasn’t solely our creation.

The passion, the pleasure, the fun,
Didn’t seem fleeting at the time.
It didn’t feel like so much
Nebulous cloud sweeping over us.

It felt substantial, a construct
able to support us.
But the illusion of solidity
Floated away from us,
Like a thunderstorm
rolling over the plains.

So, here we are, in the sun.
Life is moving, and we move with it;
We must.  But in our hearts,
We yearn toward the past,
As the future is unknowable.

It’s perplexing:  to yearn for a past
That feels strangely as if
It never existed.




Someone New 7/11/2011




I sat on a bench in the sun
Feeling slightly like
I’d been struck by lightning.
Before me was a man with a generous gift.
Laughter was coming from me
But I didn’t notice it.
What I noticed was my heart beating faster,
And a feeling of expansion: I became greater.
I had a vision of a bell ringing in the distance
A sliver of me raced away, following
 A long triangle, which hummed with resonance
Between me, this man, and a far away place.
Sand, dirt, and a little bell ringing;
And I knew that my life had changed.








Ode to I'll Be Suzy 8/15/2008


Here I am, and where are you?
I know where you are but
Who am I? I know who I am
But why are you not here?

You are loving me ~
You romance me with your fingers
My back relaxes and my body feels your Love
I am absent while you have your life.

Smoke rises around your head
Your brown curls are beloved by me
Your fingers are only fingers to you
To me they’re doors to ecstasy
You use your mouth to talk, to eat, to smile
I will jump inside your mouth
And live there for a while.
And when I come back out,
My curiosity satisfied
I will envelop you ~
I have a place to hide
You can rest inside my womb
It’s quiet there, and warm
There’s a rhythm you’ll enjoy,
Substance, and form
And when you come back out
You’ll know I love you, and why.

You’ve changed my attitude
Though you don’t know what you’ve done
My breathing grows deeper
Smoke and I are one
You’re everywhere I go
You exist in everything
And here I am, within you
Do you hear me when I sing?
You don’t know, but you can trust me
You don’t know I’ve got your back
One day I would you see that
My loyalty’s a fact
Who are you, I wonder,
And who were you before?
When I was teaching stonework,
Why did you just look bored?
And before I knew you then
Did you follow me around?
I saw footsteps in the earth
When I turned around.
Your smoke rises from you,
So I hover too
I am the very air you breathe
I am the seed you shoot
Thank you for romancing me
Thanks for being you
I awoke beneath your fingers
Because of what you do
And now, I drift to sleep
To find you, don’t know where
When I sail beyond the sun
Your song will lead me there.






The Kite 1/2/2011

A kite came here,
As a messenger to a little girl.
She didn’t see the message right away.
This kite made a wide circle of experience
Around the girl, for her instruction.

She loved the kite the moment she saw it.
It seemed too bright and happy for her to bear.
When she brought it home and beheld it there,
Something opened up inside her that felt like hope.
It felt so good, she almost didn’t want to let the kite fly.
But the lure of seeing it against the blue sky was strong.

So she took her kite outside to the breezes.
The kite smiled at her in the bright summer sun
And almost immediately, flew up and away,
And wrapped it’s string in a high tree
And fluttered there, in sight, but far out of reach,
Still smiling, and agonizingly beautiful.

It felt to the little girl as if it was taunting her!
She ran to her bed, and cried, and kicked.
And, in the tree is where the beautiful kite spent it’s summer.
It fluttered high above the house, looking sometimes as if
There was a child holding it’s string there.
But this kite had a calling, a destiny
To flutter instead, with it’s string being held
By a branch of a large tree.

Weeks passed, and bright sun and summer storms
Faded the colors of the beautiful kite.
One night, a wild wind blew
And the branch that held the little kite
Broke, and they both dropped to the ground.
The kite was whipped by the wild wind,
But it held on to it’s branch,
Unwilling to leave the little girl.

An angel had been watching this drama.
This servant of God picked up the kite
And carried it to a safe place in the forest.
Living in the natural world and flying with every breeze,
The kite had become wild,
And had forgotten how to live with little girls.
The angel reminded it to smile and laugh again
And to be jovial, and encouraging.
After a few days had passed, the angel returned with the kite
And placed it by the path where the girl would sometimes walk,
Far from her house, but safe from the wind.
Only her dogs saw it, at first.  There, the kite waited,
Yearning helplessly toward each distant breeze.



Then, one day, right before Christmas,
The girl’s bratty little brother,
Who she blamed for the loss of the kite,
Came in from playing,
Holding the friendly little kite toward her.
She screamed, and ripped it from his fingers
Hugged it against her chest,
Lamented the loss of it’s bright colors.

The kite felt her affection, and stirred to it, but was silent.
As she carried it into her warm, snug bedroom,
Cooing to it, she perceived the sweet smile
That the angel had reminded the kite to show.
In fact, the kite was contented to offer the smile,
And to be still and quiet in her warm room
Because it’s mission with her was ended.

The girl would never forget her experience with the kite,
Or it’s patient guidance in her youth.
She displayed the kite on her wall and kept it there,
Where she could always see it’s wise and weathered smile.
And the kite never fluttered in the wind again.




You Don't Know 1/28/2012


You don’t know
How much I’ve loved you
How I’ve yearned for you
And held the thought of you
How many times
I’ve hugged my pillow through the night
Wishing it was you
Wishing I could share my life with you
Wishing it was me you loved
Knowing my love was dissipating
Wasting me away in loneliness
Sorrow and love going hand in hand.

You don’t know
How much I wanted my pillow to be
Flesh and bone and energy of you.
How my love flowed to a dream
To dissipate like smoke
How my hands searched my empty bed
When in my dreams I felt your presence
How my dreams filled my mind
But my body ached with emptiness.

You don’t know
How it hurt me when you told me
You weren’t mine
When my presence
Wasn’t desired by you
Every time I saw you
I felt the dagger of my love
Pierce my heart
Spending my life’s blood
In the knowledge that I’d never have you.

You don’t know
That I returned to my empty bed
Crying over you
Knowing your focus was moving on
And I was alone
Haunted by your energy with me
And the thought of how close you’d been
Remembering a moment when I felt
My natural love flowing to you
And meeting it’s mark.


Occasionally I even felt
Your love flowing to me, too
For a moment, before
I turned and left you
My heart splitting
Wanting to stay
My mind knowing
This is all there is for me
A moment – that is over now.

You don’t know
How my empty bed is filled with love for you
How every night I long to dream of you
How day by day – year by year
My life force slips away
While I pine for you.


Or do you?