What is happening to me?
Am I going toward Krsna or away from You?
Father it’s you I want, Father you taunt me.
You tease me with peaceful feelings
With Love – with Desire – with Nature
You Trickster.
O – Carole when will I give up?
When will I surrender? Will it come before death?
Please let surrender come soon.
Please let life flow through me like a breeze
Flow my life like a wind past all of my world
With non-attachment
No need for results, just a flowing
Knowing Loving Being Choosing
Me.
Krsna smiles at me benevolently.
He sees me as a woman-child
Grown up to adult-hood but naïve and immature
It’s true – I am puzzled.
Krsna says – Gaze at me. Look to me.
Krsna showed me a world
He invited me to live there
But I retreated.
The memory of that world is still fresh
I could step into it always.
Yet I don’t. Stubborn – determined
To – what? Obsess on physical life?
To what purpose?
Determined to live, rebellious, in a protestant world?
To shine my colors and design without
Personal experience of them?
It’s true – I am puzzled. I feel dissatisfied.
Wishing for results. Attached. Tenacious.
Father, help me look to you.
Help me to visit that world you gave me.
Maybe some day to live there?
Honestly, I don’t see that happening.
I’m shallow.
But I know what depth is.
I’ve felt Krsna’s presence.
I feel You now.
Waiting without concern
A smile playing on your lips
It’s all a game that I can’t see
You provide it with gentleness – with Love
To me your child – your beloved.
6/2/2008
Sunday Morning
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