Trust 5/22/11

I flipped circles around the sun

Came back down, and here you were

Still patient, still seeking.

Your eyes have a haunted quality

That i understand.

Without that, i’d know you weren’t real.

But since it’s there, i trust you.

There are times i think we’ve been together

I wake up in the morning feeling happy

I feel my friend here, loving me

I hear a long sigh escape me

And the cleansing of it

Purifies me to my toes.

Reality is Simple 5/27/11

My mind screams at me,

“I’m dissatisfied!!”

And for a while I believe it.

I get agitated from

Identifying with my mind

And I live there for a while.

When my mind and I

Work together, we build gripes.

Here’s my little heart,

Snug in the center of me.

Quietly humming, my heart says,

There’s some sort of racket

Going on up there, but it’s okay,

She’ll come back to me.

She always will.

Meanwhile, I have worked myself up

To some sort of grand, angry gesture.

But first, I want to know

How I really feel.

I sit down with an open page,

Intending to list complaints and sort them,

And then I remember:  Heart, not Mind.

My troubled mind seeks my calm heart

And finds it, and suddenly,

All the problems smooth out and seem like nothing.

Love is here, I feel it.  I Love!

And I realize again today,

That mind is delusion

And heart is real, and

When everything feels complicated

That’s illusion, because

Reality is simple.

He's an Elegant Light 7/29/10

He’s a smooth, elegant light

That opens up in front of me

He lowers his head toward me

His hand comes around my shoulder

He pulls me in but I’m out of my body

There’s a perfect, glowing, expressive

Warmth from this light that he is

I can’t focus my eyes

He and I are alone

Inside a round, blurry bubble

Everything else falls away

Sounds are muted, and inside

It’s smooth and flowing and quiet

A sweet light permeates the air,

Which is rich in oxygen

I’m there for only an instant

He’s flowing the light to me

And for that moment, it’s perfect

I pay attention and enjoy

And then, for some reason

I get nervous and race off

With a hasty (and unwelcome) touch

I look in his eyes

On my way out of the bubble

It dissipates and I’m back in the waking world,

Thinking, “Why did I run away like that?

I could have talked longer to him!”

Gulping and shivering down emotions

That came floating to the surface

Whooooo – breathe.  Shivering breath

Leaving me charged, but unsatisfied

Charged, nonetheless, and happy

But, oh, I so regret one moment

It happens every time I see him

That moment when I trip away too soon

Turn my back to him and fly off

So as to not wear out my welcome,

Thinking, “Always leave ‘em wanting more.”

River Meditation 3/28/09

If you’re gonna want, you’d better allow too.

Allow it to flow.

Allow You to flow.

In and out, breathing, flowing.

Nighttime.  Large, waxing moon.  Imagine you’re sitting in a river.  The river is flowing on all sides of you, and you are safe and warm within it.  All of life, all that the Universe has to offer is flowing past you, through you, around you.  It is cool, cleansing, and refreshing to you.  Close your eyes and see all colors: energy flowing, all of life moving, changing, becoming.  Open your eyes and you see the river: beautiful in the moonlight, shimmering, flowing.  Shadows of trees on the banks, high cliffs above, heavy blanket of stars in the sky, fresh scent of nighttime in the air.  The river flows with the light of the stars.  You let go your hold and let yourself flow with it.  Tumbling through all experience, swimming with All That Is, encountering every possibility.  All of Life is flowing through you, and you through it.  Everything is vibrating as One, commingling.  All of nature - earth, water, plants, creatures, sky, distant planets; you feel them flowing through you, as you become them.  They inspire you to know yourself – to go deeper – to Love more – to be You.  And you flow.

Dancer 8/2/09

Hi, you bright light

You bringer of love to the planet

You pleasure to behold

You leader, to be followed

You, conduit to my potential

Open and sweet and real

I am attracted to your presence

But afraid to get too close

‘Cause when I see me in your eyes

It’ll purge me of impurities

And things will come rushing out of me

Tears, or bumbling words

Or I’ll slip and twist my ankle

Some remnant of an old thought

Will come rushing out of me

And you’ll see it go, and smile

And I will feel chagrin.

Through you I see my future

I see love – faith – pure joy in life

I’m glad I know you

But it’s unnerving

I suspect that more of you

Would be good for me.

(Smiling)  That’s lucky!

Five Gloves 4/25/05

Five Gloves

Hanging on a line

Five gloves waving

Grasping wind

Fingering expression

Shouting greetings

Breathing fresh air

Five gloves

Experiencing life

Thrilling in the sunshine

Ecstatic

4/25/05

Santee, CA

You Are The Waves 7/1/2003

You are the waves.  The shore is your forehead.

The sidewalks are your trunk.

The world is made up of you –

       feel humanity walking over you.

Feel wild animals

the beating of their hearts

the feel of their feet

on your Earth

the feeling of their breath

feeding you.

The moisture that exudes from

them                   is                   you.

The excitement in their breasts

as they act naturally

comes from you.

You are the creator

and the destroyer.

       When you breathe, worlds breathe.

Worlds expand as you swell your chest

As you rest, worlds are at peace.

You created it all,

       patiently,

              lovingly.

                     Every minute detail is you.

Egoless, transparent,

       Ever changing

You.

Your hair is the wind

       your fingers are the little creatures

              scurrying at night.

                     Your toes are reptiles in the grass.

       Breathe deeply.  How does your world smell?

Your Smile 2/19/09

Loving eyes

When I saw you

You were smiling

I was surprised that

You looked like a stranger

But I loved you

And I pulled you to me

The memory

Of your expression

Now makes me smile

You were surprised by my action

And your smile

Was genuine and full

For that I am grateful

Not to you, but

To the Universe.

2/19/09

The Circle 11/5/06

 

Green leaf opens eyes to the sun

I revel in the bright, blue breezes

Feel brothers opening, fluttering beside

Life comes shining from above

Shade goes falling to the ground below

A human and her dog play in our shade

Two people sleep on a cloth, below us.

We are fulfilled – joyous – full of purpose

Every morning we say hello to sunrise

Every night we flutter in cool breeze.

Life’s blood flows to us, tree’s children

Becoming life, realizing promise

Every moment is pure, clean enjoyment.

Nights turn colder, days become shorter

Morning sun is thin and pale

Grandfather tree’s life-blood flows slower

Green leaf’s life ebbs.

Spots of brown intrude on green

Connection to mother branch loosens

All leaves patiently accept this.

Brothers fall to where youth was once playing

Fall to brown grass, ebbing too.

I fall – I fall – I touch ground below

Now wind blown, dancing with brothers, cousins, neighbors

Dancing, tearing, turning to dust

White crystals fall from above

Cover us in cold blanket

Thin sunshine removes cold garb

Drying, dancing in cold wind

Lay down in soft earth

Essence soaks into ground below

Substance – veins, particles – left behind

Flowing through earth, alive, without form.

Rushing through loam – finding grandfather roots

Pulled into tree-being once again

Feel beginning, quickened life force,

Moving up, up, through heart of wood.

Feeling green-wood youth, strong against cold winter

Popping out as bud in spring

Stronger light, probing center

Finding greenness again

Feeling for outside blue brightness

Green leaf opens eyes to the sun.

Sand Hill on Prairie 11/14/2005

Think of a sand hill in the prairie.  Sun rising on it, birds flying over it.  Prairie dogs scampering around, digging under.  Coyotes at night, deer during the day.  Flies buzzing.  The wind comes up and clouds loom in the distance – sun shining on sand hill with dark clouds in the distance – shadows of clouds move across the hill. Wind kicks up particles of dirt, a cloud of dust swirls.  Birds sing, grasses blow, critters chatter.  Peace and nature reign here.

11/14/2005

Denver, CO

I Am OM 10/19/2008

Sometimes I feel old and embarrassed.

Other times I feel like I'm Krsna

like I'm Everything

like I'm All

I'm vibrant, knowing, fascinating.

My face - my body - physical appearance

matters not.

You see the vibration beyond that.

I am Krsna! I am Love.

As such, I am appeal itself.

Those low moments when I lack confidence

are merely me stumbling, blinded.

The truth of me is vast and full of light.

I am not physical.

This face, this hair style I worry about is not me.

I am the sun, rising over far hills.

I am the cool, fragrant night air.

I am the flock of birds, eating berries from the tree.

I am the sea, foaming one way and then another.

Expanding spherically, all ways.

I am all love, expressed in every context.

I am sex and birth and death.

I am om - the life vibration

the power that energizes worlds.

I am joy and laughter and tears.

Do you think this little body shudders at the thought of you?

It does.

Because it sees that you are Krsna too.

Lakewood, CO

10/19/2008

Love Song for Obsidian 12/24/2008

Black as night - Deep as space

Obsidian – I’ve always known you.

Farther back than I remember

Darkness is my way

The night time is our source

And in the night we stay.

Obsidian, our hearts beat together.

We feel love or detachment the same.

Obsidian:  father, friend, beloved,

We are together again.

I loved you in my youth

I grieved you when you left

I went about my life

And then one wonderful day

I saw little you again!

Looking out at the big world

Like you expected me to come.

You looked up and said, “She’s here.”

And our new love affair began.

You are a natural creature

Dark expression, frolicking in light

Thanks so much for coming!

I take pleasure in our bond.

Your eyes search mine

And I look up to see

And am pulled inside you

To that place I love - The dark source

Black as night - Deep as space
The nothingness from which we come

We are joined – as all creation is joined

And it is a happy blending.

I Love Obsidian!

Krsna Beloved 6/2/2008

What is happening to me?

Am I going toward Krsna or away from You?

Father it’s you I want, Father you taunt me.

You tease me with peaceful feelings

With Love – with Desire – with Nature

You Trickster.

O – Carole when will I give up?

When will I surrender?  Will it come before death?

Please let surrender come soon.

Please let life flow through me like a breeze

Flow my life like a wind past all of my world

With non-attachment

No need for results, just a flowing

Knowing            Loving            Being               Choosing

Me.

Krsna smiles at me benevolently.

He sees me as a woman-child

Grown up to adult-hood but naïve and immature

It’s true – I am puzzled.

Krsna says – Gaze at me.  Look to me.

Krsna showed me a world

He invited me to live there

But I retreated.

The memory of that world is still fresh

I could step into it always.

Yet I don’t. Stubborn – determined

To – what?  Obsess on physical life?

To what purpose?

Determined to live, rebellious, in a protestant world?

To shine my colors and design without

Personal experience of them?

It’s true – I am puzzled.  I feel dissatisfied.

Wishing for results.  Attached.  Tenacious.

Father, help me look to you.

Help me to visit that world you gave me.

Maybe some day to live there?

Honestly, I don’t see  that happening.

I’m shallow.

But I know what depth is.

I’ve felt Krsna’s presence.

I feel You now.

Waiting without concern

A smile playing on your lips

It’s all a game that I can’t see

You provide it with gentleness – with Love

To me your child – your beloved.

6/2/2008

Sunday Morning